learning the hardest possible way

माय 2012

2012-01-02T19:21:00.000-08:00

A whole New Year. A whole new life. The challenge is what can this year bring?

As a head start for the year 2012, the message last Sunday was from Philippians 4:13 which says “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength…”

I don’t know what this year brings, I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but I have faith in Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior.

Happy New Year to all…We can do all things through CHRIST!

2011 Elderly Filipino Week

2011-10-04T04:10:00.000-07:00

I had the chance to be involved in a very encouraging event attended by more than 2,000 Senior Citizens.

It was the opening celebration of the 2011 Elderly Filipino Week – Mandaue City. All the barangays of Mandaue participated and filled the Mandaue City Sports Complex. It was a half day of dancing, singing and listening to inspirational talks by the City officials.

The event was made possible by the support of the office of Mandaue City Mayor, Hon. Jonas Cortes and the City Councilors. It was organized by the Department of Social Welfare and Development and facilitated by Ms. Ana Dualos and her team.

Mandaue City officials were also there such as Vice Mayor Glenn Bercide, Councilor Nenita Layese, Councilor Daddy Suico and Councilor Emmarie “Lollipop” Ouano-Dizon.

I was really encouraged because the Elderly Filipinos who happen to be our grannies were very alive, alert, and enthusiastic. There was never a dull moment being with them. They had very wonderful presentations. Some groups were very prepared with all the choreography and costumes. I highly respect them and I love them so!

I consider the event unforgettable because I had the rare opportunity to be their Emcee. I say rare because I could never see myself bringing a very huge crowd. All glory belongs to God. The original master of the show wasn’t able to make it and so the spot was given to me. I praise God for such experience!

Here are pictures I took from the event. They’re not so clear because I used my mobile phone in taking the shots.

Mentally Blocked

2011-02-16T00:11:00.000-08:00

It's when you want to write but ends up staring at the monitor with an empty mind. I had no topic in mind. Totally blank.

There are days like that when I would be staring at the wall with basically nothing in mind. Last week was very unproductive. My blogs were not updated. I had no feature articles to make. No pictures to upload and talk about...Nothing at all...

They call it Mental Block-out...sad...sad...sad..

The Next Step

2011-02-07T19:07:00.000-08:00

Was thinking of doing something worthwhile this year.

Like being a good wife to my husband and submitting to him, as the Lord wants me to. Being active in the ministry and encouraging others to do the same for the Lord God, as a response to the unconditional love He had for mankind. Was also planning to do gardening, which I haven't started yet...and much more.

Life as a full time wife, is different from being in the corporate world. I get to have the freedom to do what i want at any hour without the fear of deadlines and without the pressure of seeing anxious bosses around.

I admit this next step is a bit hard to adjust but God promises in the bible that He will teach me what is best for me and He will direct me in the way I should go...(Isaiah 48:17)...

And wouldn't it be great to publish a book and maybe have my photography studio...hopes...that's all...

Things in the past, All I've been through is for Your glory...

2009-01-20T01:32:00.000-08:00

I had a good day, praise God! Started oh so well when I was confronted with some itchy stories of the past. My officemates started teasing and questioning me about the dark episodes of my life. Shooo! Shooo! Shooo! I cannot deny I was part of it but I praise God for the redemption. If not for Christ, I wouldn’t have gotten out… It was my Jesus who took away the bondage of the past and other ties.

Then I was silent. I felt so bad to be in the hot seat talking about why I was stuck into the stuff and all those experiences. I felt the blood rushed to my brain as I sat on my desk wanting to disappear.

But the Holy Spirit just placed a song in my heart and at that very instant, I started worshipping the Lord of lords…

Here is the song:
_____________________________________________________________________
Lord I offer my Life to You…

All that I am, all that I have
I lay them down before you, oh Lord
All my regrets, all my acclaims
The joy and the pain, I'm making them yours
(Chorus)
Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I've been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to you
Lifting my praise to you
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer you my life
(Verse 2)
Things in the past, things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
All of my heart, all of my praise
My heart and my hands are lifted to you
(Bridge)
What can we give
That you have not given?
And what do we have
That is not already yours?
All we possess
Are these lives we're living
That's what we give to you, Lord
(Chorus)
______________________________________________

It’s not about what you’ve been through,
It’s not about what you’ve done,
It’s about going back to your first love and surrendering your all to Him.
It’s all about Christ…How He died on the cross to save you from your sins…
It’s about His power that can break any hard shell and let you come out of it.
It is all about Jesus Christ, the Saviour of the world.

If you feel that you are in darkness. If you think that you can never get out from your bondage. If you are struggling to get out of an addiction and you feel that you cannot stop…pause…and call on the name of Jesus Christ.

Repent of your sins and ask Jesus to be your Saviour and Lord, and you will be FREED!
Been there…betcha! Things will be perfectly GREAT!

A glimpse of the past...

2009-01-15T21:04:00.001-08:00

I scanned through my Blogs and one which was entitled “Learning the Hardest Possible Way” gave me a laugh. It was kind of my online diary where I poured out pain, confusion, depression, fantasies, happiness, victories, and all. Then I realized one thing, most of the posts were about loneliness. It started with a broken life that was shattered in pieces and scattered, and there I was slowly trying to pick up what has been splintered. There were also stories of a broken heart that was longing to be with somebody in the past while struggling to win over the bondage of an illegal substance.

It was a life trapped in darkness. It was a total messed-up life. But that was in the past.
Praise God for the new life He has given! “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (2 Corinthians 5:17).
Out of the tomb, He called my name and raised me up from death to life! Jesus Christ took me out of the bondage of sin and gave me love that is pure and unconditional. I’ve never felt so loved! He loved me when I was so unlovely and cleansed me by shedding his own blood to free me from my sins.
No more picking up of the scattered pieces because Jesus gave me a whole new life! I can’t stop praising Him!

Jeremiah 29:11

2008-10-02T21:33:00.000-07:00

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “They are plans to prosper and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope."

photograph taken by yanee, at the Butterfly Sanctuary, Bohol Province

STROKE IDENTIFICATION:

2007-10-19T02:16:00.000-07:00

During a BBQ a friend stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) and just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes. They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food - while she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening.

Ingrid's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - (at 6:00pm, Ingrid passed away.) She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ - had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke perhaps Ingrid would be with us today.

It only takes a minute to read this-

Recognizing a Stroke
A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke...totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed and getting to the patient within 3 hours which is tough.

RECOGNIZING A STROKE
Thank God for the sense to remember the "3" steps. Read and Learn!

Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.

Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:

1. *Ask the individual to SMILE.

2. *Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.

3. *Ask the person to SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently) (i.e. . . It is sunny out today). If he or she has trouble with any of these tasks, call paramedics immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

After discovering that a group of non-medical volunteers could identify facial weakness, arm weakness and speech problems, researchers urged the general public to learn the three questions. They presented their conclusions at the American Stroke Association's annual meetin. Widespread use of this test could result in prompt diagnosis and treatment of the stroke and prevent brain damage.

BE A FRIEND AND SHARE THIS ARTICLE WITH AS MANY FRIENDS AS POSSIBLE, you could save their lives.

Things I know that Angels wish they knew…

2007-06-06T23:51:00.001-07:00

The song Angel’s Wish by Steven Curtis Chapman really struck me.
It talks about the things that Angels know about heaven…
Things that no people have seen…on the other hand, it talks about the things that the angels haven’t experienced such as the love of the Savior and the grace of God.

I lived in darkness for years and spent half of my lifetime sinning.
I’ve been in bondage with endless transgressions. It was a murky world where I was…
But God gave His only begotten Son to come down to earth and save me from damnation. I was bathed with the blood of Jesus who took my place at the cross and sacrificed his life…
The grace that God has given to me…The gift of love and salvation…
The overflowing mercies…and how God carried me on the lowliest part of my life…
These are things that angels can only wish they knew…

Here is the song:

Angel’s Wish
Steven Curtis Chapman

Was God smiling when He spoke the word and made the world?
And did He cry about the flood?
What does God's voice sound like when He sings, when He's angry?
These are just a few things that the angels have on me
Well, I can't fly at least not yet
I've got no halo on my head
And I can't even start to picture heaven's beauty
But I've been shown the Savior's love
The Grace of God has raised me up
To show me things the angels long to look into
And I know things the Angels only wish they knew
I have seen the dark and desperate place where sin will take you
I've felt loneliness and shame
And I have watched the blinding light of grace
Come breaking through with a sweetness only tasted
By the forgiven and redeemed
And someday I'll sit down with my angel friends
Up in heaven
And they'll tell me about Creation
And I'll tell them a story of Grace
Well, I can't fly at least not yet
I've got no halo on my head
And I can't even start to picture heaven's beauty
But I've been shown a Savior's love
The Grace of God has raised me up
To show me things the angels long to look into
And I know things the Angels only wish they knew

a hundred and one hairfall...

2007-06-05T20:26:00.000-07:00

99, 100, 101...THAT'S IT!!!
Am I on my way to being bald? The crown of glory I once am proud of is vanishing…WHAT SHOULD I DO? (now on my panic mode)…

The once long, shiny, straight and celebrity-like hair I have was cut off up to the shoulder level due to the thinning of the strands and lessening of the hair count each and every waking day…
__________________________
Causes of hair fall

Stress and Tension
Over worked
Missing Meals
Poor Diet
Over exposure to the sun
Perming
Use of hair colors
Over styling

Prevention of Hair Fall

•Shampoo regularly by using mild shampoo and conditioner
•Proper diet : Fruits and green vegetables, dairy products
•Vitamins intake : Iron, Zinc, Vitamin B, Vitamin E
•Drink lots of water
•Proper rest
__________________
References:

* Hair Fall by: Meenal
* Prevent Hair Fall and Dandruff the Natural Way By Ravikumar Uppaluri

Perfect

2007-04-26T23:01:00.000-07:00

I'm never gonna forget what happened last night...
So here's a song that exactly fits it!

Perfect
by: Simple Plan

Hey Dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according
To plan?
Do you think I’m wasting
My time doing things I
Wanna do?
But it hurts when you
Disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I’m never gonna be good
Enough for you
I can’t pretend that
I’m alright
And you can’t change me

‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be
My hero?
All the days
You spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don’t
Care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I’m never gonna be good
Enough for you
I can’t stand another fight
And nothing’ alright

‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect

Nothing’s gonna change
The things that you said
Nothing’s gonna make this
Right again
Please don’t turn your back
I can’t believe it’s hard
Just to talk to you
But you don’t understand

‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect

‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect

closing doors again...

2007-04-26T16:48:00.000-07:00

they were all against me...

she beat me...she slapped me
he almost punch me
she nagged at me
he accused me

she started all of it
she wanted me to understand her
she wanted me to listen
she wanted me to be there...

she is like that when she's filled
she cannot control herself
she wants me to carry her burden
but i had enough!

now, they're pointing everything at me
all fault is mine
everything...
i'm used to this anyway!

it's time to close the doors...
to her...
to him...
to them...
to everyone...

Cinderella disorder...

2007-04-10T10:37:00.000-07:00

I honestly have nothing in mind. At 1:30am, I have no choice but to emerge myself into cyberspace, the only resort I have when sleep is far away. This sleeping disorder started years back and up until now I have this sickness of not being able to sleep when it is already past 12 midnight. I have to be snoring in bed before 11:59 or else I will be awake the rest of the dawn.

Health professionals describe this disorder as insomnia which is characterized by an inability to sleep and/or inability to remain asleep for a reasonable period. Insomniacs typically complain of being unable to close their eyes or "rest their mind" for more than a few minutes at a time. It is often caused by fear, stress, anxiety, medications, herbs, caffeine, depression or sometimes for no apparent reason. An overactive mind or physical pain may also be causes. Finding the underlying cause of insomnia is usually necessary to cure it.

As I was browsing thru Wikipedia, I learned that there are three types of Insomnia, they are:

Transient Insomnia lasts from one night to a few weeks but it seems longer. Most people occasionally suffer from transient insomnia due to such causes as jet lag or short-term anxiety. If this form of insomnia continues to occur from time to time, the insomnia is classified as intermittent.
Acute Insomnia is the inability to consistently sleep well for a period of between three weeks to six months.
Chronic Insomnia is regarded as the most serious; persists almost nightly for at least a month.

Hmmm…so mine is not insomnia at all…hehehe…it’s more like the Cinderella type of disorder, if I don’t sleep before the clock strikes 12 the drowsiness will evaporate and leave me with eyes wide open until I hear the morning welcome song of my uncle’s rooster.

Oh well it doesn’t matter to me at all, knowing that all Cinderellas have happy endings…hehehe!

Check out my photography at yaneephotos.wordpress.com

Cover Girls...

2007-04-03T17:50:00.000-07:00

Taken at Pandanon Island Beach Resort...

Shifted from a busy HR Officer to a Fashion photographer...I would love to give up the human resource career in exchange for a SLR camera...

Photography has always been my passion...(sigh)...

Models (from left): Hope Ocampo, Liplip Segarra, Kylie Bacolod and Maricel Jalang.

in the office, one Tuesday mownin...

2007-03-27T08:12:00.000-07:00

Haha! Today i made a very good start!
I came in before Janus arrived...
I had to be early to finish the Health Insurance Matrix that was supposed to be submittedthree weeks ago...GRRR!!! gotta get rid of PROCRASTINATION at work! Oh well I made it even before the clock ticked 7:00am...
Feels so good to be early on a tuesday, with a piece of pandesal and a hot cup of instant noodles...hmmm...light breakfast...no more extra fats for me, thanks to FITRUM and a bit of heartaches, i lost a couple of unwanted lbs.
NAH!!!there's more to life than just being at the corner counting teardrops and painting blood on the wall...there is more to it...yes...

Wait! Look at the pictures...it's like one, two, three go shoot! hmmm...who took these shots anyway?Must be some yanee stalker! hehehe! kiddin! Thanks for the pictures friend...i feel like a commercial model promoting PANDESAL in the office pantry.

It is great to be the first person to arrive on a Tuesday mownin...with a pandesal, instant noodles and a dot on the cheek while waiting for everyone else including Janus to come in for work...

almost fell into it again...

2007-03-21T01:27:00.000-07:00

there goes love playing another unhealthy trick on me.
again, again and again...
Damn!
Why can't i just say no to a silly invitation?
anyway, it's not that much of a hurt...
why am i even placing this on my blog?!

Patches of many hues...

2007-03-14T22:44:00.000-07:00

I remember reading a story about a Granny sewing a big blanket making use of old clothes...she cuts them to square bits to form a blanket full of patches...Patches of different hues.

I never quite understood how things happened the way they do...and if i cannot accept them, i put on a facade to keep reality hidden. What i didn't know was the result it created...the bulk of lies that was formed inside.

Just wanna share a conversation i had with an office mate that had been an eye opener to me:

keith says: yaw tuo nga naa ko anak ha? joke ra to

Yanee says: huh?

keith says: ako pa, gud boy nako

yanee says: why? does it matter if naa or wala?

keith says: yup..

yanee says: does it change you for being you?

keith says: it does..

keith says: yah, for me ky if naa ko anak.. dili nako i.tago..

keith says: kana if naa

yanee says: hmmm i see...

keith says: la pa ko plans.. im too young.. got to help my mom and dad

yanee says: exactly... :)

keith says: kaw, when mn imo plano?

yanee says: pero even if it's true or not nga naa kay baby, it doesn't matter at all.. :)

yanee says: when ako plan for what?

keith says: minyo and have family

keith says: hehe

yanee says: hmmm

yanee says: :)

keith says: :D

yanee says: http://crystalianne.blogspot.com/2007/01/fading-wedding-bell-chimes.html

keith says: dili mn ka tubag

yanee says: nitubag nako oi

keith says: but cancelled a week before it happens

- what does that mean?

yanee says: as it is stated

keith says: sure?@#

yanee says: :)

keith says: ok ra na oi

yanee says: i'm okay...

yanee says: i'm almost over it

keith says: yah, hope ur ok.. "almost"

yanee says: i mean almost over that stage

keith says: mayra sad oi ky lingaw usa ta.. hehe

keith says: let's enjoy usa.. life is too short to be sad!

keith says: hawd kaau ka mo.tabon sa imo feelings noh? i never thought..

yanee says: hehehe

keith says: now i understand.. i thought .. simple LQ lng..

yanee says: there are so many things...as in a lot of things that you don't know and you never expect...

keith says: ya. but i know u will find another one. someone better,

yanee says: :)

keith says: i can see the other yanee right now..

yanee says: the other yanee?

keith says: yup.. not the HR yanee

yanee says: which part?

yanee says: daghan raba

yanee says: (chuckle)

keith says: multiple personality ai

keith says: hehe

yanee says: (chuckle)

keith says: the yanee that i was looking for..

keith says: :)

yanee says: ngee...you haven't been to my real world

keith says: yah.. pero at least.. naka kita nako gamay.. hehehe

yanee says: asa lagi nga part? ang lonely side?

keith says: the "girly" part

keith says: (chuckle)

yanee says: okay

keith says: that doesn't mean nga dili ka girl ha? to be honest, isog mn gud ka.. hehehe

yanee says: facade

keith says: hehe.. ive met a lot of women like you.. that's why i am expecting the same thing..

yanee says: i understand

keith says: :)

yanee says: funny...i met a lot of men who expected the same way you are expecting but was shocked to find out the real me... :) wala ko nag minaldita ha...

keith says: hehe.. ok ra oi. humm let me think kung unsa jud ka

keith says: sweet?

yanee says: i don't know...

keith says: HAHAHA..

yanee says: a lot of things have changed

keith says: lisud ni dah

yanee says: not kiddin

keith says: yah, i know ur "lost"

keith says: right?

yanee says: totally lost

keith says: if mgkita mo ni yanee, please tell her nangita ang iya other self niya.. para dili na cya ma.lost. hehe

yanee says: ambot...siguro dili jud lost...siguro i chose to be different na lang

keith says: grabeh jud diay noh?..

It was just an ordinary skype chat conversation but it created an impact on me. For the past weeks, i have been walking wearing somebody else's shoes. Borrowing somebody else's shirt, so as to hide what i truly felt deep within...

Patches of many hues, looks so good on the outside but the stories behind it...hmmm...plenty...

You'll never expect its reality.

Today, things are gonna change...

2007-02-10T04:12:00.000-08:00

Everything happens for a reason they say. They occur because they were meant to be...You may not have expected it to take place but it somehow would...you can't control it.

Like this MP3 CD i bought last month that contains a hundred different songs, and unintentionally i ran into this one unfamiliar song entitled NOT TODAY by Dream Girls. I remembered seeing that group perform on TV so i tried listening to this single.

Every word penetrated into my heart as though i was the one singing it...as though i was the one expressing every line from deep within...

"I ain't gonna cry no more,

Iain't gonna beg you to stay,

No way, not today.

You can go like you did before,

I ain't gonna stand in your way,

no way not today...

Coz today, things are gonna change"

How many times will i go after you? How many times will i beg you to stay? How many times will i push myself down just to put you up? How many times will i forgive you for your repititive lapses and mistakes? How many more promises will you break? How many more teardrops will i shed? To make you will feel that you are all i ever wanted in my life and that i'm willing to do everything just for you.

Why can't i be given a heart of stone so that pain will never hit me this hard?

"I'm gonna take a break from you,

that is what i'm gonna do...

you can count on it baby

you think i'm never gonna work it out

right form here on...

I ain't gonna beg you to stay,

No way, not today.

You can go like you did before,

I ain't gonna stand in your way,

no way not today...

Coz today, things are gonna change"

Yes it was hard...it is still hard, i don't even know how to do it but starting today, things are gonna change.

Not Today...

2007-02-05T05:23:00.000-08:00

Just wanna share somethin' from Dream Girls, a new group composed of very talented pinoy celebrities...to play safe, i won't name them yet coz i might miss one member...

Here is the Lyrics of their single Not Today.

Not Today
(Dream Girls)

That's it, enough,
i've had it, i'm givin up,
so go on, go away,
There is no reason for you to stay...
There was a time when i loved you
and you loved me
and now is time to be free

Chorus:
I ain't gonna cry no more
I ain't gonna beg you to stay
No way, not today
You can go like you did before
I ain't gonna stand in your way, no way
not today
Coz today, things are gonna change

You can hold on
If you want to
I won't be starting
with you now...but you know sometimes
It's better to just let go

And don't say too many goodbyes
and i'm still here
this time i do it for real

(Repeat Chorus)

I'm gonna take a break from you
That is what i'm gonna do
you can count on it baby
you think i'm never gonna work it out
right form here on...
I want to see...yeyeye

(Repeat Chorus)

_______________________________________
*i may not have heard some of the words clearly...if there are corrections to the lyrics please let me know...

Cheers to the bloggers!!!

2007-01-22T21:03:00.000-08:00

Haven’t blogged in awhile…Was into a deep slumber. When I awoke I scanned into some of these blogger’s world:

Forgetful Alan last posted on September 2006…Has he lost his interest in creating blogs? He shouldn’t stop coz his articles are really striking. Especially the latest one, yah…sure did hit me!
http://www.simplyalan.blogspot.com/

Next was Lemskie’s Journal entitled Lemskie’s Garden, where you’ll get to read flowers that blossomed into her life. Writing is her passion and I adore her for that. She is exceptional. Have a tour in the colorful pages of Milafel Hope Awe’s garden at http://lifeoflemski.livejournal.com/ .

“Zeroing In…” is a realistic and a very informative blog. The author shares his personal experiences while conveying educational thoughts and knowledge…it’s more like an online magazine that features a variety of true to life occurrences. There are also advertisements found in his blogs…he advertises products he bought and tried out for himself (ei yamz, you should get paid for this!)…Yamz is what we call him. A programmer by profession…a writer by heart…(yamz?any comment?) Visit his blog at http://yamz.wordpress.com/

If you love NBA then this site fits you http://jsmoooth.blogspot.com/ , It gives you news updates on what’s going on in the arena…Welcome to the Josh Smith Shrine… A blog owned by the highly respected One Pages Team Leader, Marvin Sanchez… He left Focus when September ended for personal reasons but he remained an inspiration to his team. The One Pages boys are proud of him because he is a true leader from inside out…

Will long distance relationship work? Check this out: http://swtmemories.wordpress.com/ or you may wanna reach this person at http://sickcyclecarousel.wordpress.com/ , his name is Romel. Guys, you should be like him…trustworthy and faithful… He is also a programmer from Cagayan de Oro, working in the humble City of the South…He titles his blog Jackal’s Sick Cycle Carousel…and if you want his advice on how to strengthen relationships at a distance, do get in touch with him...

I ran into her place and was really touched with her remorse… A story written from the heart, City of Pain is somewhat like a novel of my own story. The writer is no other than Kitty Kat, a very talented one. She not only writes, she sings and is a very good one…Do drop by her vicinity at http://www.ravagingsoul.blogspot.com/

We all have our own style of expressing our thoughts and blogging is the most exciting way of doing it...

Fading wedding bell chimes...

2007-01-11T05:44:00.000-08:00

Did I dream of having that one big step of FATE? Did I imagine myself walking in an aisle of red carpet with flowers scattered all over the place? Did I see myself in that white laced gown and golden crown? Did I visualize his face as he cast his smile at me and lead me to the altar? The Altar…where we will make our vows…Did I imagine all those things?

How do you mend a heart that expected to settle down but cancelled a week before it happens? How would you heal a wounded soul? How can one move on without having to suffer the pain and hurt? How can she let go of something she believed would never end?

Confusing…

I used to hear it loud and clear but now it’s fading…yes…the sound of it…can’t hear it anymore.

The Day You Said Goodnight (Hale)

2006-12-06T21:49:00.000-08:00

On a cold lonely night I sat on the dark corner of my house staring at a space. Counting the tick of the clock as I endure the excruciating release of the tonic out of my brain. I sat there struggling to have another sniff or just to let the pain of a broken heart kill me on the day he said goodnight. I have known from the start that he is already taken. Why did I wait for this night to come?

No friends to save me. No lover. Nobody. Just me, my conscience and myself. On that dark creepy house where he left me with the bondage of this thing and this comforting song.

The Day You Said Goodnight by Hale. Enough to comfort that lonesome moment when all i hear is his voice fading as he bid me goodnight...

___________________________________

THE DAY YOU SAID GOODNIGHT
_Hale_

Take me as you are
Push me off the road
the sadness,
I need this time to be with you
I'm freezing in the sun
I'm burning in the rain
The silence
I'm screaming,
Calling out your name

Bridge:
And i do reside in your heat
that puts up the fire with me and find
Yeah you'll lose the side of your circles
That's what i'll do if we say goodbye

Chorus:
To be is all i gotta be
And all that i see
And all that i need this time
To me the life you gave me
The day you said goodnight.

The calmness in your face
That I see through the night
The warmth of your light is pressing unto us
You didn't ask me why
I never would have known
oblivion is falling down

Bridge:
And i do reside in your light
Put out the fire with me and find
Yeah you'll lose the side of your circles
That's what i'll do if we say goodbye

Chorus:
To be is all i gotta be
And all that i see
And all that i need this time
To me the life you gave me
The day you said goodnight.

If you could only know me like your prayers at night
Then everything between you and me will be alright.

Chorus:
To be is all i gotta be
And all that i see
And all that i need this time
To me the life you gave me
The day you said goodnight.

she's already taken,
she's already taken
she's already taken me
she's already taken,
she's already taken me

The day you said goodnight.

Astigmatism hit my mom...

2006-10-13T23:27:00.000-07:00

Mama keeps on complaining about her eyes. She said that she can't clearly see us. Everywhere she looks, she sees glare. She forces to open wide her tiny eyes each waking morning, because opening it is such a struggle. Going to the doctor is the best way to know what causes the pain in her eyes.

Astigmatism is what hit her.

What causes Astigmatism?

Astigmatism usually occurs when the front surface of the eye, the cornea, has an irregular curvature. Normally the cornea is smooth and equally curved in all directions and light entering the cornea is focused equally on all planes, or in all directions. In astigmatism, the front surface of the cornea is curved more in one direction than in the other. This abnormality may result in vision that is much like looking into a distorted, wavy mirror. The distortion results because of an inability of the eye to focus light rays to a point.

If the corneal surface has a high degree of variation in its curvature, light refraction may be impaired to the degree that corrective lenses are needed to help focus light rays better. At any time, only a small proportion of the rays are focused and the remainder are not, so that the image formed is always blurred. Usually, astigmatism causes blurred vision at all distances. Some people with very high degrees of astigmatism may have cornea problems such as keratoconus.

Astigmatism is very common. Some experts believe that almost everyone has a degree of astigmatism, often from birth, which may remain the same throughout life. The exact reason for differences in corneal shape remains unknown, but the tendency to develop astigmatism is inherited. For that reason, some people are more prone to develop astigmatism than others.

Symptoms

Distortion or blurring of images at all distances
Headache and fatigue
Squinting and eye discomfort or irritation

The symptoms described above may not necessarily mean that you have astigmatism. However, if you experience one or more of these symptoms, contact your eye doctor for a complete exam.

Treatment
If the degree of astigmatism is slight and no other problems of refraction, such as nearsightedness or farsightedness, are present, corrective lenses may not be needed. If the degree of astigmatism is great enough to cause eyestrain, headache, or distortion of vision, prescription lenses will be needed for clear and comfortable vision.

The corrective lenses needed when astigmatism is present are called Toric lenses and have an additional power element called a cylinder. They have greater light-bending power in one axis than in others. Your eyecare professional will perform precise tests during your eye examination to determine the ideal lens prescription. Refractive surgery may be able to correct some forms of astigmatism.

Astigmatism may increase slowly. Regular eye care can help to insure that proper vision is maintained. You may have to adjust to wearing eyeglasses or contact lenses if you do not wear them now. Other than that, astigmatism probably will not significantly affect your lifestyle at all.

taken from the The University of Michigan Kellog Eye Center Research...

http://www.kellogg.umich.edu/patientcare/conditions/astigmatism.html

Remind me where I stand...

2006-09-20T17:55:00.000-07:00

Such a bad day for me… My position requires me to side on the big boat. Sometimes I feel that they are not right, but I must comply because I am just an employee. I have my limitations and I must know where I stand… Well, I have to move on. I know that this too will pass.

dreamin' again...

2006-09-17T18:39:00.000-07:00

I didn’t expect it would come…I saw it as an illusion…sitting right beside him and talking about pieces of me that I kept hidden…sharing to him my frustrations, even my desperations.

Was it just a dream? No, it was real. He was there asking me questions, and smiling at me.

But that was just an ordinary night for him… It meant nothing at all…

Me and My Guitar

2006-09-13T02:56:00.000-07:00

She was there when tears were flooding me to death. I sang my way to the grave until i've had enough of those nightmares. Moments away from you slowly killed the jolly person in me. Then i got tired and decided to move on. Making you an inspiration instead.

Still have our song in my heart, every lyrics, every chords have rooted deeply and wherever i go, my guitar is there to accompany me.

The tears had stopped flowing and the pain had ceased but the symphony of what we had still remains.

On "50 Hurting Experiences from Loving"

2006-09-13T01:59:00.000-07:00

I was suffering from the after effects of a broken heart when a very dear friend named April forwarded the “50 Hurting Experiences from Loving”. Those are indeed experiences that are hurting and worth the falling of countless tears.

After my second attempt of joining the affair, I swore never to be in it again, I swore to never open my heart to anybody else… Love has always given me pain. It has always caused me sleepless nights of being on a riverbed. So then I kept hidden this wounded heart and locked it where hurt, pain and suffering couldn’t reach it.

It rested for a long time and healed on its own. Then I met this one guy who changed everything. He opened my eyes to things I never saw before. He unbolted my ears and made me hear music that I didn’t hear yet. Yes, he also unlocked the sealed doors of my heart.

He was the best thing that ever happened to me. Being with him was the happiest moment in my life. I don’t know what more to ask when I’m with him, he completed me.

Due to fortuitous matters, he disappeared leaving me to my old crying self again…I thought about the 50 Hurting Experiences from loving…yes, I experienced most of them… For Love? I’ve had worst but the good thing there is I always have a lesson to learn which molds me and makes me stronger as I continue with my life’s voyage.

50 Hurting Experiences...from Loving

2006-09-13T01:01:00.000-07:00

1. Letting go of a person you've just learned to love
2. Reminiscing the good times you shared together
3. Shielding your heart to love somebody

4. Trying to hide what you really feel
5. Trying to hide the tears that involuntarily fall
from your eyes
6. Loving a person too much
7. Giving up someone you never thought of giving
up
8. Having the right love at the wrong time
9. Taking the risk to fall in love again
10. Hiding your relationship from someone else
11. Controlling your feelings to avoid hurting a
friend
12. Thinking of him/her every waking and sleeping
moment knowing all the while that he/she never
even thinks a single thought of you...
13. Letting go, because everytime you see the
person, you only fall deeper
14. Holding back only to find out when it's too late,
you both felt the same way, but were only
scared to lose each other so much that you didn't
let the feelings out
15. Falling in love with someone you didn't mean
to fall in love with
16. Finding the perfect guy/girl...with only one
problem--- he/she doesn't love you...the way you
want him/her to...
17. Helping the one you love "court" your friend /
helping your friend "court" the one you love
18. Seeing the one you love crying for someone
else
19. Waiting also hurts like hell
20. Having to hear "... I've met someone"
21. Agreeing to his/her wish to 'just be friends'.
22. Asking his/her freedom back bcoz 'he'd/she'd
be happier with him/her'
23. Asking you to 'forget that everything happened'
and be 'normal' friends again.
24. Hearing that you're treated as a little bro/sis
(ouch!)
25. Sharing his/her future plans for the guy/girl
with you.
26. You stopped being friends bcoz his gf/her bf
asked him/her to.
27. Being denied in front of people.

28. Telling you lies where he'd/she'd been when
actually, he/she was with a 'new friend' or an
'old flame' (whew!)
29. He/she told you he'd/she'd be leaving you to
return to his/her ex? the one he/she left for
you!
30. Breaking someone's heart
31 .Fighting for that one thing that would make
you happy that is, holding on to a person who can
not guarantee you his/her commitment unless
he/she fix himself/herself...then, you are left
hanging for the moment...then he/she says, time
will tell... ang labo lang niya...but you still decided
to hope in him/her and trust him/her
32. Pretending you're OK when inside you're
dying...
33. Pretending to be strong.... and recognizing
your weakness
34. Lying in bed each night, thinking of that special
person you can never have...
35. Being with someone you can't actually love...
36. Pretending you don't love a person whom you
actually love...
37. Being in love...
38. Letting go even if you really don't want to...
having no right to say you are hurting because it
was your decision
39. Seeing the person you love hurt because of
you... and not being able to help that person...
40. Having the courage to say "I LOVE YOU" to the
person you love and finding out afterwards that
things will never be the same again when he/she
doesn't treat you with the same closeness as before
41. Having to face the fact that someone is
capable of completely destroying the wall that you
have set for yourself, leaving you weak and
vulnerable
42. Admitting that you love someone despite
his/her imperfections

43. Finding out that the more you try to hate
him/her, the more you end up loving him/her,
perhaps even more than before
44. Realizing how stupid your mistakes were that
led to your break-up.
45. The thought that this guy/girl, used to really
love you and you loved him/her as well but you
didn't give enough and he/she gave up on you
46. Sharing the one you love with SOMEBODY
else....."
47. Making a promise....and realizing that when
the time has come for that promise to be
delivered....the commitment is no longer there...
48. Violating your parents' rules for that someone
that you love.
49. Leaving your long-time friends because the
one you love cannot accept them.
50. The hardest thing about love - believing it

moving on after letting go...

2006-09-11T17:44:00.000-07:00

Tears well up everytime he talks about his beliefs, his principles, his ideals…they are way too different from mine.

I’ve had my set of tunnels and labyrinths, too complicated to be understood by a man of sanity. Stayed long in those places and had a hard time getting myself out. And even if I’m no longer there I still look back and dream of having a visit or two. I was on the zenith of happiness while stuck in those dungeons. Never cared for tomorrow, never feared anything…it was a “come what may – let it be” ride. But I was satisfied…was contented…was happy…did not even aspire to set myself free from its bondage.

But life is more than that…as he said, it is a continuous challenge…it is a choice of whether to move on or to get stuck and moving on means totally letting go of the excess baggage of the past. To travel light and to focus on the goal that never existed before. He is right. No questions on that matter, but, Am I ready for it? Do I really want it?

still remains...

2006-09-10T22:27:00.000-07:00

Still thinking of him…still have his face perfectly painted in my mind. Everywhere I go, he’s all I see and to ignore that piece of imagination is impossible because he is deeply rooted in the core of my heart.

I’ve been carrying this burden since the day he left me for something that I could not give…and up until now, I still haven’t gotten over him. Tears still flow everytime he visits my thoughts. What is worst is the longing that I have to be with him again. Memories of him are pert that forgetting his totality is very impossible. He has reasons of going away and I have mine to make me stay. Letting go of him means letting go of a love I considered TRUE.

They call me Yanee...

2006-09-10T21:43:00.000-07:00

I never thought i'd reach the age of 25. How it happened is a mystery. I've been through a lot and up until now, i couldn't fathom how i was able to pick up the scattered pieces of puzzle in my life and brought them back...it's not completely solved yet but it will be soon...